As I approach my thirtieth birthday, I am not met with dread but anticipation. Most people see thirty as an indication of aging, a realization of failure or success. I see this as an opportunity to start life anew: change the way I live and change the way I think.

So far in my twenties I've been married and separated, bought a house and lost a house, and became pregnant by a man I did not love and that I am no longer with. I claimed bankruptcy this month and am experiencing a pregnancy by myself and will be a single mother as soon as my baby is born.

Luckily, I am not a drug addict or an alcoholic...by some small miracle.

I've thought a lot about my situations and why I, being a relatively smart individual with a strong moral compass, would allow myself to fall them. I don't believe in fate or destiny but I believe things happen for a reason because deep down, subconsciously, we make them happen.

And because I am capable of subconsciously creating events to force my life in a different direction, I believe it's time that I consciously make these decisions as well. I once criticized someone for simply talking big dreams without making the efforts to achieve. I realized the only difference between us was that I kept my dreams internal. I was a pretender, imagining a better life whilst making no efforts to improve the one I'm living.

I hope to use this blog to both organize my thoughts and feelings and inspire others to make changes in their lives as well. Sometimes uncontrollable circumstances in our lives push as into a rut but it's up to us to decide whether or not we want to exist there or fight to escape.

We make these decisions for ourselves.

It's time to stop pretending.